i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
