and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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