bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
