There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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