Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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