My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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