if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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