why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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