By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
