forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
