the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
