it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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