tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
