I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
