I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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