I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
