the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
