So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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