He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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