i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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