that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
