Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
