There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
