Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
