I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
