is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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