hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
