Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
