it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
