Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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