What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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