Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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