Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
