he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
