Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
