I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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