True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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