you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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