I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
