Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
