I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
