made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
