Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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