just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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