He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
