im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
