I must be too annoying 4 u.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
