mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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