Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
