I just made out with a guy for $7.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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