I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
