yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
