dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
