I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
