brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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