hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
