Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
