I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
