if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
