How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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