If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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