So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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