Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
