So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
