My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Are my feet made of real feet?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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