Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
