did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
NoShamevember. You game?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
