I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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