I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
