she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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