there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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