Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
