We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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