Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
now i know why i became what i already was.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
