So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
