Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there is glitter all over my balls
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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