I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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