Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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