How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Randomize
