Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
