You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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