gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Text me some of your sweat
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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