well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
