clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
