shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
