We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
