I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do vagina's smell?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
