He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
