i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
