ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
